KGI Blog | Don't live your life to please others

Published by Christina Chua, 4 July 2020

Happy Saturday! 

I was over at my parents' place to do some housekeeping this morning, and photo albums of my brother and me in our younger days emerged from the storeroom. As I flipped through the photos, it instantly brought back a sense of nostalgia and the memories of my childhood.

That is when I decided to pen down my feelings on: "Living your life for yourself and not to please others."

My childhood wasn't great -- I was shy, overweight, and labelled as a nerd in school. I was often teased and bullied, and that hit my self-confidence hard. Although I was doing well academically, I was always unhappy because I wanted to be accepted and have friends whom I can have fun with every day. I even resorted to buying food and clearing the plates for my school mates during recess to please them and hope that I will be invited to join their clique eventually.

Fast-forward to my teenage years, my desire to be accepted and look 'cool' became stronger. Because of that, I find myself mixing with the wrong company and getting into trouble on many occasions. Thankfully, none of the misdemeanours was too severe!

Anyway, life spiralled downwards for me once I entered Secondary school. Because of my need for acceptance, I wasted all my time on useless things instead of focusing on what was most important back then, which was to complete my tertiary education.

Things finally took a drastic turn when I was 17. I got pregnant, dropped out of school and became a single mom at the age of 18. Well, I guess it was all worth it because it is quite hilarious to see the disbelief and expression on people's face when I tell them that I have a 10-year-old son!

Jokes aside, becoming a young single mom in Singapore which is quite a conservative country, -- the judgement, the prejudice, and the sarcastic comments from people crushed me.

But one thing had changed. I am a mother now. For the first time, I became responsible for a little human being who was helpless and depended on me for survival. My disappointed parents chose to support me throughout the challenging journey, and I am incredibly thankful. 

From then on, my life transformed. I told myself that I would not settle for anything less than what I knew I could do with my potential and capabilities. I will be the best mom to my son, and the best daughter to my parents. To everyone who told me I could not make, I will prove them wrong. Within three years, I completed my Bachelor's degree while working part-time to make ends meet, got my first office job as a customer service officer, and saved up enough for my MBA which I had completed in 2017. I pursued a career in the financial services industry, which was my dream, and the rest is history.

Getting an education did help me to expand my knowledge and skillsets. Still, I would say that self-confidence, self-love and the self-expectations of setting a higher standard, not settling for less and giving my best in whatever I do, were crucial in bringing me to where I am today.

Did I regret my past? No. Why? Because without it, I probably will not have such a high conviction in living life on my terms and not pleasing others. I express my thoughts and feelings openly, saying yes (or no) based on my preferences and needs. I am also raising my two beautiful children to be comfortable in their own skin and ensuring that they do not fall into the 'approval-seeking trap' as I did.

But what I am most happy with is that thanks to my experience, I have been able to coach many teenagers who suffer from self-esteem issues, as well as young single moms to help them get back on track with their lives. It is such a privilege to serve and give back to society, and I hope I can continue to touch the lives of other people in the same predicament.

If you know someone who may benefit from my experience, please feel free to reach out to me. I will be happy to help.